


Ben Barnes x Reader Oneshots

by HeloiseDaphneBrightmore



Series: Real People Fiction Universe [1]
Category: Ben Barnes RPF, British Actor RPF, Chronicles of Narnia - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Shadow and Bone (TV), The Punisher (TV 2017), Westworld (TV), ben barnes - Fandom
Genre: Actors, Actresses - Freeform, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-14 03:35:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29289174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeloiseDaphneBrightmore/pseuds/HeloiseDaphneBrightmore
Summary: This book is containing a handful of Ben Barnes x Reader and Ben Barnes's characters x Reader short stories, one shots if you like. If you want a few quick reads instead of starting a novel, this is the book for you. You will find Romance, Drama, Humour and everything in between. Each of the chapters are approximately a 10-20 minutes read with 2000-5000 word counts. - Requests are temporarily closed!There are no references to name, skin colour, hair colour, eye colour, body type, therefore anyone can read it and imagine themselves in the place of the main character. However all the stories are female insert. I hope you will enjoy it and have fun!
Relationships: Ben Barnes & You, Ben Barnes/Reader, Ben Barnes/You, Benjamin Greene, Billy Russo & Reader, Billy Russo/Reader, Logan Delos/Reader, Logan Delos/You, Nick Tortano/Reader, Ryan Brenner/Reader
Series: Real People Fiction Universe [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2156550
Kudos: 13





	1. Blooming emotions [Ben Barnes x Reader]

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** Now as many of you know, Ben is my comfort person. Everytime I'm down, I watch his movies/series/interviews or search for photos, because it puts me back in the right mindset. Now because he is a living breathing human being and not a fictional character, I will not write anything controversial. I want to keep it clean and respectful. I will not write smut, abuse and such categories. I think it's understandable and I hope we all agree it's for the best. However, the above categories might appear when I write about his characters.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being friends with Ben was possibly the best and worst thing that ever happened to you. Hiding your love for him made it difficult to stay by his side and when he comes home after finishing a filming, everything comes crumbling down.

**Title:** Blooming emotions   
**Pairing:** Ben Barnes x Female!Reader   
**Word count:** 4k   
**Author:** Heloise Daphne Brightmore

> If you enjoy my stories, please consider donating and supporting me on [**Ko-fi**](http://ko-fi.com/heloisedaphnebrightmore). Of course, it’s completely your choice, I will continue updating for free anyway :) Thank you <3

Being friends with Ben was possibly the best and worst thing that ever happened to you. He has been the sweetest person you have ever met, he always listened when you seemed to have things to say, he offered a shoulder to cry on when you were having hard times. On the other hand, being in love with your best friend made all the memories bittersweet. All those precious moments you treasured and remembered so fondly were tainted by the thought you would never mean more than a mere friend to him.

You were angry at yourself for having feelings for him, but you couldn't possibly control how you felt. Hiding your feelings has become a habit that he didn't seem to realise. For someone who was so close to you, you weren't sure if he was oblivious or you were a damn good actress.

It occurred to you quite often that maybe he intentionally didn't realise how you forgot your eyes on him, how you touched his arm or his back more often that it might have been appropriate between friends, how you always asked him how he has been, even if you just talked the day before.

You just didn't understand how he could be so oblivious.

Ben has been away, shooting a new series for a couple of months, but finally he was on his way back home. You stood at the exit of the airport, impatiently waiting for him, your heart racing at a dangerous speed in anticipation.

It's only been a few months since he has left, there were times when he was gone even longer, but this time you just missed him too much. Your feelings kept growing and you weren't sure for how long you could stay by his side without revealing your secret, but as long as you could keep your mouth shut, you knew you had to, for the sake of your friendship.

Ben stepped out of the corridor that led to the exit, the automatic door opening in front of him. He looked around searching for you, his eyes scanning the hall, before his ability to see was gone. You jumped into his neck, your hair flying into his face, making him chuckle. He tried to disguise himself with a baseball hat and sunglasses, hoping to receive the least of the amount of attention, but he couldn't fool you.

As soon as he arrived, a wide grin spread across your face, your body filled with happiness and you started running towards him, throwing your arms around his neck. He didn't need time to process the situation, nor did he question your identity. The sweet scent you wore felt like home as he wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you against him, hiding his face in the curve of your neck, his cap almost falling down.

"Hey," he murmured against your neck, tickling your skin. A silent chuckle left your lips as you pulled back to be able to look up at Ben.

"Hey," you smiled, feeling even happier. His mere presence made you all giddy at times. "You've been kinda missed, you know?!" you grinned happily as you removed your arms from his neck, trying to joke with him.

"I mean, you've been kinda missed too, I guess," he returned your line with a nonchalant shrug as you started walking to your car.

"In all honesty, I have missed you, Ben. Time seemed to go extremely slowly since you've been gone," you said as you took the passenger seat and gave your keys to Ben after packing his luggage into the trunk of the car and taking his seat beside you.

"So, have I. I'm sorry that I couldn't always reply. It has been a very exhausting filming process," he heaved a sigh, and you could see that he indeed seemed exhausted, even lost a bit of weight.

"But are you okay now? You seem a bit tired," you spoke as you ran your eyes over him whilst he drove.

"I'm all good, but I'm certainly more tired than usual," he nodded in confirmation.

"So, you want to go home?" you asked which earned you a pair of furrowed brows from him.

"Why?" he asked back.

"I just missed you, so I thought we could do something," you shrugged. "But it's fine, we can just go home, and you can rest."

"I mean, if you have any ideas, I'm open to it. It's not like I will be able to sleep for a while. I'm quite jetlagged," his words immediately made you light up.

"Then can we go to our favourite restaurant? Pretty please!" you giggled happily as he rolled his eyes, but he couldn't hide the tiny smile in the corner of his lips.

"As if I could ever say no to you," he scoffed playfully.

"You could, but you wouldn't," you replied with an even wider grin, biting on your bottom lip, hoping your little surprise would make him even happier.

The drive to your favourite restaurant was fairly long since the airport was out of the city, but you spent the time talking about the past months as if you haven't called each other almost every single day.

Whilst you heard most of the stories, you didn't mind listening to him repeating them. The happy expression across his face, the sweet smile he wore as he told the stories again, the warm look in his eyes as he remembered back to the filming made you just as content as he was.

"So, what about the promotion you told me about? Haven't they made a decision yet?" he asked as he stopped the car. You wanted to avoid the subject for as long as you could, but you knew Ben, he wasn't stupid, and you certainly didn't want to make him to feel like he was.

"They have actually," you were happy, you couldn't hide your smile, but you were also upset, because your job required you to leave the city more often than not.

"So? Have you got it?" he asked full of excitement. You swallowed loudly, before you started nodding. "That's amazing!" he grinned as he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you against his chest.

You sneaked your arms around his waist and hid your face in his neck, inhaling his intoxicating woody scent. His arms around you made you feel safe, comfortable and cared for. You wished you could hug him more often, smell his homey scent, see his handsome face and just be around him as much as possible.

You heaved a deep sigh as you parted and established eye contact. "I'm really happy. I really am. But I do have to travel quite often," you grimaced slightly, waiting for a reaction from him.

You knew he would want the best for you, just like you wanted the best for him, but with his hectic schedule and your scattered travels, you knew it would be even harder to see each other.

"Well- if you have to travel, you have to travel," he smiled at you, but you could read the dishonesty in his voice. "Obviously I want to see you as much as I can, but I'm glad you got the job. You deserved it," he was happy for you, he wanted you to get the promotion to climb up the ladder, to be more successful in your field, but he also knew that it would mean seeing you less.

"We would meet less," you added.

"I know, but we can work it out," he smiled as he ruffled your hair, making you groan. He got out of the car and you quickly followed behind.

You weren't sure what you expected. You didn't want him to keep you back, the promotion was a dream of yours for a long while, but maybe, just maybe you thought it would affect him a bit more than it did.

In a way you were happy to see him less, hoping to try to get over your feelings for him. But then you were upset because you knew how hard it has been each time he was gone and now you were preparing to do the same, putting even bigger of a gap between you. Maybe that's how it was supposed to be, maybe you were just not meant to be.

Ben opened the door to the restaurant, waiting for you to step in as he followed close by. You headed towards the hall, the restaurant silent and dark like never before.

"What is going on?" Ben spoke up as you walked further, a deep frown sitting across his face as you walked beside him.

"Maybe they are closed," you added nonchalantly.

The lights turned on revealing the sea of people at the back of the restaurant shouting, "Welcome back!"

Ben started laughing as he looked around the people, each of his friends welcoming him with a warm smile. "Was it you?" he asked chuckling.

"We couldn't celebrate your birthday, so I thought we could celebrate you coming home," you tilted your head innocently, a wide grin spread across your face as you watched his happy expression.

"Thank you," he smiled, pulling you into a hug and hinting a tiny kiss on your forehead, before he headed off to talk to everyone and thank them for coming to his party.

The time flew by as you watched Ben talk to each of his friends, sipping on his champagne, cutting his cake, have a laugh with the guests. Just seeing him be comfortable and happy made you feel content. You would have done anything to make him feel like the most special person to ever exist.

Because in your eyes he was.

You loved to watch his laughing form, his voice awakening the little butterflies in your tummy, his happy tone making you all giddy even when he wasn't talking to you. You didn't understand how it was even remotely possible to love someone so strongly, but you just did and never regretted it, because he deserved all the love.

You sat at the corner, watching him talking to whoever walked up to him, when his eyes met yours. You smiled at him raising your glass towards him which he returned with an even wider grin, before another group of friends took his attention from you.

As you watched his interactions with all the guests, you felt slightly jealous. Not because he was paying attention to someone else or because he wasn't talking to you at that moment. It was because you wished you could talk to him so openly, without harbouring feelings for him that you shouldn't have. You didn't mind loving him as a friend, he was important to you, but since the very moment you realised you were looking at him differently, everything became harder.

You always had to pay attention to what you were saying, not to blurt out your secret. You always focused on how long you were hugging him, how you attempted to touch him, were these affectionate moments appropriate for your friendship? All sorts of thoughts haunted you and at times being beside him was difficult, although worth it.

You heaved a deep sigh as you started walking towards the exit to get some fresh air. You needed to clear your mind to be able to go back and talk to him just like a best friend would, without any additional and confusing feelings.

You sat down on one of the five stairs that led up to the restaurant and started sipping your champagne that seemed to be less bubbly than before. The chilly weather outside made you shake a little, goosebumps apparead on your arms.

"What are you doing out here?" you heard his deep voice, his accent making you smile.

"I just came out to get some fresh air," you replied as you looked up at him.

"You could have brought a jacket," he scolded you, but the tone of his voice was caring as he placed his own jacket on your shoulders.

"Thank you," you smiled at him, watching those dark brown, almost black eyes you loved so much. There was just something about them, as if he could see through you, as if he could tell a whole story with just a look.

"Are you okay? You're unusually quiet," concern laced his voice as he looked at you, his gaze wandering between your eyes and your interlinked, nerves fingers.

"I'm fine, just thinking a lot. You know, I'm an overthinker," you chuckled lightly, trying to change the subject. You swore to yourself that you wouldn't tell your secret just yet, not daring to ruin the friendship you treasured so much, but being beside him was even more difficult than you remembered.

Ben kept staring at you, a voice in the back of his mind whispering that you were not completely honest with him. "You know, I know you, right?" he gave you a suspicious look. "If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine, but I can see that something is wrong," he added.

"Look Ben, I appreciate your concern, but this is not the right place nor the right time to talk about it," you shook your head, trying to avoid the conversation.

Ben wasn't one to push you to talk about things you weren't ready to talk about, but he was very concerned about the way you basically hid in the corner, sipping on a glass of champagne since the beginning of the party. It troubled him that you left to get some fresh air on your own, which you barely ever did without letting him know. He was worried about you having to say something, but not being able to say it because of the wrong time and place, which never happened between the two of you.

In normal circumstances he would have left it with you and waited for you to come to him, but your distanced and quiet behaviour made him worry and he just couldn't control himself.

"Look, I understand that you think it's not the perfect time, but since I arrived, I could feel that something was off about you. I don't want to push you, but I can't keep watching you act like a ghost, trying to stay invisible. This is not you," Ben was always respectful of your personal space, so for him to push you to talk meant he was beyond worried about you. You didn't even realise you have been trying to stay invisible, you didn't necessarily feel like you were doing it, but regardless of doing it on purpose or involuntarily, it seemed you still ended up acting strangely.

You heaved a deep sigh, not knowing what to say, how to say it. You swore you wouldn't ruin your friendship, but if Ben realised something was wrong, you knew you had to come clean eventually.

"It's not easy to talk about," you breathed as you looked at the dark street lit by a couple of lamp posts, its empty road barely occupied by any cars.

"Hey, just take your time," he tried to reassure you, which made you smile. You couldn't understand how one person could be just so incredibly amazing. He reached for your hand and cupped it between his, stroking your skin with the tip of his thumb, trying to sooth your worries.

"It'll be even more difficult if you are being so nice, especially after what I'm about to say," a bitter chuckle left your lungs as he frowned at your unusual comment. "We've been friends for a good couple of years now, haven't we?" it was a rhetorical question, but Ben nodded anyway. "One would think that it would remain a friendship for a long time since we already know each other quite well," you added as Ben's thumb stopped stroking your skin, confused about your words.

"I don't really understand you," he spoke up, feeling as if he was supposed to know something, but he was left in the dark.

"I'm sorry, I know I don't make much sense, I just need to process my own words," you scoffed as you felt the tears well up in your eyes, preparing yourself for the worst possible outcome. "I thought we would always stay friends, you know?"

"We will!" Ben added, trying to reassure you, but he couldn't have known that he gave you the worst possible answer. His words made you chuckle, a bitter tone to the usually happy expression. His words felt like a stab in your chest, your eyes burned under the unshed tears and your throat closed away your airways.

"Maybe you could, but I can't," you tilted your head, shaking it. "I thought I could, but I can't."

"What are you talking about?" you wished to conclude the conversation right then and there, but the panicked expression across his face didn't let you. You couldn't leave him without answers.

"I thought I could pretend to be your friend, that I could keep my feelings a secret, but I just can't do this anymore. I can't possibly be your best friend, when I know that my feelings are not anything a friend should be feeling," you shook your head to your own words. Ben's eyes grew wide, his lips parted involuntarily, clear shock displayed across his face. He let go of your hand, trying to process your words, but the lack of touch felt like an answer on its own.

"I didn't plan to tell you, I thought I could continue being your friend. But I can't possibly pretend to be nothing but a friend when I know my own feelings. I would have to lie to you every single day and most of all, I would have to lie to myself and act as if being beside you didn't affect me. I don't want a friendship built on a lie and I certainly don't want to hurt you or myself," you couldn't stop the tears from streaming down your blushing cheeks. "I think it's for the best if we just part ways, because it would be too difficult for the both of us."

Ben's silence was all you needed. Although he didn't reply, you didn't expect him to. You knew he would never want to hurt you and silence must have been the best way he could convey his feelings. His eyes were empty, possibly still processing your words, but you didn't blame him, it wasn't an easy conversation.

You removed the tears from your cheeks, stood up from beside him and took off his jacket, placing it on his back, heading back to the restaurant. You took your coat from the rail and smiled as you looked around the guests enjoying themselves. At least they were happy.

You walked out the door where you found Ben sitting in the same position, not even moving an inch. You sniffled as you leaned down and placed a small kiss on the top of his head. "Bye, Ben," you whispered, before you headed to the side of the pavement and took your phone out, trying to call a cab.

"Don't I have a say in this?" Ben appeared beside you, his voice panicked as he took the phone out of your hand, shoving it into his pocket, sabotaging your intention to call a taxi.

"What could you possibly say that wouldn't make this difficult? Ben, spending time together on its own is harder than I thought. I can't be around you all the time, have late night calls and pretend to be okay with being only a mere friend," you tried to convince him, almost pleading with him to understand.

"And I would accept your reasoning if I had no feelings for you. But that's not the case," your eyes widened as his words left his lips. For a second you thought you misheard him, perhaps your mind was making fun of you. But as he stepped closer and got hold of your hands, caressing your soft skin and gazing into your eyes with a panicked look across his face, you understood that wasn't the case.

"You- you have feelings for me?" you stuttered, feeling gobsmacked for a second.

"I do," he nodded. "I have had feelings for you for a very long time. I hid it, because I would rather be beside you as a friend than distance myself from you. I didn't think you would feel the same and so I didn't say anything," he gulped loudly as he exhaled a shaky breath. "Now that we both know that we have feelings for each other, maybe we shouldn't part ways," he said hopefully, a small smile hidden in the corner of his lips, waiting impatiently for the reply he was wishing to get.

A small giggle left your lungs as you looked into his dark, deep brown eyes, an unfamiliar, warm feeling rushing through your body. Your happiness felt like it was physically recharging you as you finally started to understand that your feelings were mutual.

"So, you would like to try it?" you asked, a bit hesitant.

"Most definitely," he nodded, trying to contain his enthusiasm. "Would you?"

You nodded in a response. "I would love to," a light chuckling sound left your lungs as a wide grin appeared across Ben's face, making him even more handsome than he already was. The warm, loving look in his eyes awakened those reckless little butterflies in your stomach, further tickling you as Ben ran his hands across your arms, his touch making your skin warmer under your coat. "Maybe we could start with a kiss," you said, feeling your cheeks burn, your own question making you feel awkward.

Ben let out a loud, heart-felt laughter. One that you have barely ever seen from him. As his laughter died down, he sneaked his arms around your back and gazed into your eyes, his smile still firmly painted across his face. "Would you like that?" he chuckled lightly as you nodded, turning even redder.

Ben didn't waste time any longer, he leaned down to you, hovering above your mouth as he cupped your cheek with his hand. You could feel his breath fanning your lips, your heart taking on a dangerous pace under your ribcage. You couldn't pay attention to anything, but his lips almost touching yours. You stood on your tiptoes and closed the gap, impatience winning over you.

He chuckled into the kiss, your eagerness making him even happier, but he soon stopped and concentrated only on your lips. Those lips that he has been craving for so long and thought he would never be able to taste. But here he was feeling like the happiest person for holding you in his arms, melting your bodies together, being able to convey how much he cared for you.

The moment was just perfect. Both of you were a bit shy, maybe clumsy, since you found yourself stepping into this new territory. But the moment was perfect, because it could not have been better with anyone else, but the two people who were hopelessly in love with each other but dared not to say anything for the longest of time, not to ruin a friendship.

You wished the moment would last longer, but a silly little thought found its way in the back of your mind as you parted. You leaned your head against his forehead, enjoying the quietness for a while, both of you standing in the dark with an excited smile across your faces. But the voice became louder and you couldn't just ignore it anymore.

"I'm really happy we want to give this a try, but you are still travelling and now I will have my promotion, it will be very hard though," you didn't want to ruin the moment, but the thought kept nagging you and you couldn't keep it inside.

"We will figure it out. Don't even expect me to let you go when I finally got you," he grinned happily, and you couldn't stop yourself from mirroring his expression.

"I don't want you to let me go," you whispered as you placed your arms around his neck and pulled him down for another kiss, hoping for thousands and thousands more of these sweet memories in Ben's arms.


	2. Coming home to you [Ben Barnes x Reader]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the first time your argument with Ben escalates beyond repair, or so you think. The tiny ball of hope he left you with doesn’t let you move on and when you accidentally run into him, you feel like hitting rockbottom again.

**Title:** Coming home to you  
**Pairing:** Ben Barnes x Female!Reader  
**Word count:** 3.3k  
**Author:** Heloise Daphne Brightmore 

> If you enjoy my stories, please consider donating and supporting me on [**Ko-fi**](http://ko-fi.com/heloisedaphnebrightmore). Of course, it’s completely your choice, I will continue updating for free anyway :) Thank you <3

Ben has always been a kind person. He never raised his voice, never made you feel like you were worth less, never tried to tell you what to do. Your relationship was based on mutual trust, love and respect. **  
**

However, things got heated over your last argument. It was a subject that has come up many times before. Usually, you gave in with a sweet smile, cuddling up to him, because your arguments were never big, but that certain fight just got out of hand and before you could have brought up a good argument against his actions, Ben was out the door with a bag full of clothes in his hand.

You didn’t mean for the situation to escalate, nor did he, but it happened. It was the first time in two years that you have ended an argument in bad terms, worst terms to be precise. You regretted raising your voice and choosing the words you did, but it was too late to take them back now.

You sat on the couch, sniffling, cleaning your nose with a tissue, whilst watching the most heart-breaking romantic movie you could find on Netflix. You wore Ben’s warm hoodie, his scent engulfing you in a comfortable silence. Wanting to feel closer to him, you thought about calling him up to apologise, but he wanted his space and although a tiny part of you still hoped he would want you back, a more realistic side of you knew that it was over for the both of you.

You scolded yourself for falling for him, knowing it would be heart-breaking to see him fly away each time he had work in another country. You knew it would hurt not seeing him for months, to watch him leave you behind, to see him only when he was available, regardless of how much you missed him. You tried not getting too attached to him, but he was a brilliant person and before you knew it, you fell for him harder than you expected. You were deeply in love with him and now your whole life felt like it was crumbling down around you. 

It hurt to think of him, to inhale his intoxicating scent from his hoodie, to replay the happy memories in your head, but as masochistic as it sounded, you needed the pain, the clenching feeling in your chest that came after a breakup, to start fresh and renewed once again.

So, you decided to just get a box of ice-cream and cry your sorrow away. You didn’t want to remember your fight, you didn’t want to relive how stupid you both of you were, but a scene of a heavy argument in the film brought all your memories back at once.

*

Seated on the couch, legs crossed, back straightened, you waited for Ben to come home. You barely saw him, his work taking him away from you for months at times. You knew it would be hard from the very beginning, but sometimes you felt as if you weren’t even important anymore.

Hearing the lock of the entrance door, you got up from the couch, arms crossed in front of your chest, waiting to unleash your anger on him. He arrived back to the country a week ago and you only caught a glimpse of him the day he arrived and you picked him up from the airport, feeling like the happiest person alive. But now you felt neglected.

“Good evening,” you greeted him with a bitter tone in your voice.

“Evening, love,” he smiled sweetly, but you couldn’t return the kind gesture. He frowned at your serious expression, trying to recall any events that could have made you mad. “What have I done this time?” he chuckled playfully, but you couldn’t laugh with him.

You walked up to him, reaching towards his hand. He found the situation comical, but he accepted the offer, waiting for some kind of prank from you. Instead, you took his hand in yours and shook it. “Hi, I’m your girlfriend,” you spoke with a deadpan look, earning a chuckle from him.

“I’m quite aware of that,” he replied happily.

“Are you? Because I wasn’t sure. Haven’t seen much of you since you came home,” you added nonchalantly.

“Come on, you know I had to see my parents and my friends. I haven’t seen them for months,” his happy tone was long gone, his fidgeting showing clear discomfort.

“Yes, of course, I completely understand,” you said, but it was all a lie. “However, it makes me question, how often have you seen me, because as far as I’m concerned you didn’t see me just as long as them,” you added with a questioningly raised brow and a stern expression.

“Please, let’s not argue now, I’m home, we can finally spend some time together,” he tried to resolve the problem, but this was not the first time you felt as if you were the last person of his list.

“I would gladly stop arguing if it was a one-time thing, if you didn’t try to get out of this argument every single time. But Ben, each time you finally come home, you first visit your parents, your friends, even your least important colleagues and then if I’m lucky, I can catch a glimpse of you here and there, before you leave again,” you scoffed in disbelief.

“You know that’s not true, I try to spend as much time with you as I can,” he tried to step closer to you, but you backed away.

“Do you really think so, Ben? When was the last time you and I had gone out on a date? When was the last time we surprised each other with a tiny present? When was the last time we just sat in the living room, cuddling, watching some silly tv show? Because I certainly can’t remember,” you pleaded with him, almost begging him to understand your side. “Why are we even together if we don’t even try to sort this out?” your words were heavy, the air stuck in your lungs. You have never felt so neglected and whilst you knew from the very start that your relationship would be difficult, you thought the deep love you felt for him would make it easier. But you didn’t think that you would ever feel as if that love was no longer reciprocated.

Ben stood in front of you with a guilty expression, you knew he understood where you were coming from, you knew he agreed with you, but instead of apologising and trying to solve the issue, he headed towards the bedroom, his steps hurried and heavy as if he was mad at you.

“What are you doing?” you asked as you followed him. He took his sport bag from the top of the wardrobe and started throwing his clothes inside. “What the hell are you doing?” you raised your voice, watching as the love of your life was getting ready to step out of your life.

“I’m leaving,” he replied, clenching his teeth, tightening his jaw.

“But why?” you asked, astonished by his actions. “Why are you running away?”

“This is what you wanted, didn’t you? If I can’t give you what you want, it’s easier to just end it right here,” he scoffed in anger.

“That’s not what I said,” you pleaded with him, your eyes filling up with the unshed tears. “I said we should try to solve it, we, together. I didn’t say you had to do as I asked. I just want you to pay attention to me and to find a common ground that’s good for both of us. I miss you all the time, feeling like an idiot. I feel so useless.” you attempted to get your words through his stubborn head, but they didn’t seem to register. “Ben!” you raised your voice once again, but he just shook his head.

“If your first thought is why we are together when there’s an issue between us, then what do you expect from me? We both knew there would be hardships, we knew it wouldn’t be easy with my job being as hectic as it is, but I do love you and just because sometimes it gets hard, it doesn’t change my feelings,” he replied in a stern tone. “However, if you think of breaking up, if you question why we are even together when I am trying my hardest to balance my life, then maybe we shouldn’t be together,” he scoffed angrily. “I make mistakes, just like you do. I’m sure I have ignored your words many times even though it was probably unintentional, but to go as far as questioning us, that shouldn’t be the first step,” he shook his head in disagreement.

“I’m sorry, Ben, I really have tried to talk to you about it so many times, but as if you didn’t even hear my words,” you walked up to him, getting hold of his arm. “Ben, please, don’t walk away now,” you pleaded with him, trying to keep your unshed tears at bay.

“I honestly don’t know what I think, I can’t even collect my thoughts. Let’s take a break,” he suggested calmly, but you knew what a break meant. Most of the times when people took a break, it ended with a breakup. Since Ben just arrived home, spending months without you, he had plenty of time to miss you, but from your perspective, he perhaps didn’t.

You let go of his arm and took a step back, nodding. Wanting nothing but to cry, you didn’t try to stop him anymore. Although he didn’t say it, you knew it was the end of your relationship. You watched as he picked up his bag and walked to the front door. Taking a last look at you, he tightened his jaws and heaving a deep sigh, he opened the door and walked out of your life.

*

You got up from the couch, sniffling, removing the leftover pieces of food from your face with the back of your hand. As you caught a glimpse of your reflection in the mirror you flinched at the sight.

Your hair was oily, and pieces of crisps hung on them. Your clothes were wrinkled and unwashed, slightly smelly and your teeth were full of chewed up food. The sight of you made you sick. Heaving a deep sigh, you dropped your snacks on the couch and headed towards the bathroom. It’s been a week since you let yourself go, looking like never before and it was time for you to finally collect yourself and start healing.

It didn’t mean you were hurting less though. The slight hope Ben left you with, made you think of fantasies where you found each other once again, both of you apologising wholeheartedly, falling into each other’s arms. But you knew it was just a silly game of your naive little head. A part of you still wanted to believe against all the odds, against all your realistic thoughts that screamed to forget about Ben.

You got out of the shower, finally shaving all your body parts, washing, scrubbing yourself like a mad woman. It was somewhat refreshing to finally look like a normal human being once again. Heading towards your room, you picked up some of your dirty clothes and threw them in the laundry basket.

After dressing up, you called up a friend of yours, arranging to meet up for a cup of tea in the heart of the city, hoping the busy lifestyle would distract your thoughts. You already told your friend about your “break” with Ben and whilst she still tried to keep your spirit, attempting to convince you that it was indeed only a break, you didn’t believe her, even though you wanted to.

As you walked across the busy streets, taking a quick glance at every little shop you passed by, a certain familiar pair of dark brown eyes caught your attention as you halted. You weren’t the only one though. He stared back at you as if he hasn’t seen you for months, completely forgetting about the conversation he was having with his friend.

He looked just as handsome as before you separated, except he wore a pair of dark circles under his eyes, clearly exhausted. You wanted to ask if he was okay, if he was doing well, but it was none of your business anymore. Air stuck in your lungs as you thought about walking up to him and wrapping your arms around his neck, inhaling his scent, but you didn’t do it. He walked out that door, asking for space and you were not one to take it away from him. You heaved a deep, heavy sigh, letting your eyes rest on his handsome features for a moment longer, before you turned away from him and continued heading towards the little café to meet your friend.

You didn’t expect to see him, it felt like a punch in your gut, feeling as if you were back to the day he left. As if you were starting from the bottom again. But instead of letting yourself go, you swallowed hard and composed yourself. You knew if you got back to that horrid point you have been to in the last week, it wouldn’t have helped your case.

*

You sat on your couch, watching some silly show in the telly, but your attention was elsewhere. After your conversation with your friend and her advice about talking to Ben, you felt conflicted. You have been struggling with an inner battle and when she suggested to talk to Ben, you initially declined it. Bothering him didn’t seem like a good idea. But she wasn’t wrong after all.

“Talk to him. Tell him that you need certainty. If he doesn’t want to be with you, you can finally get closure and move on with your life. However, if he wants to work on your relationship, it’s time to start communicating, it’s time to finally listen to each other,” she said. Her words kept replaying in your mind over and over again. You kept picking up the phone, each time thinking twice about what you wanted to say, but in the end, you always just threw your phone away, scared of the words you expected to receive. The dreaded end of your relationship. Even if you knew you had to talk about it once, even if you knew that getting your closure could have helped, you weren’t ready for it just yet.

You jumped on the couch as the doorbell rang, not expecting anyone to visit. You pulled your bathrobe over your pajamas and headed to the entrance. Peeking through the hole, your heart skipped a bit in shock. Ben stood in front of the door, his eyes attached to the foot mat. Panic took over you as you debated what to do. You knew you couldn’t leave him there for long as he knocked on the door once again, calling your name, his voice weaker than usual.

“Can we talk please?” he asked, his voice pleading. Heaving a heavy sigh, you unhooked your key from the wall and opened the door, revelling yourself in front of Ben. “Hey,” he greeted you silently.

“Hi,” you replied with a stern tone. Your friend advised you to be open, somewhat friendly so you could both work out how to go about your relationship, but as soon as you saw him, your defence mechanism kicked in. You knew if you acted kindly, you would have wanted to jump into his arms. Instead, you chose the most logical behaviour, being firm. “Why did you come?”

“I really wanted to talk to you. Can I come in?” he asked and although you stopped to think for a second, you opened the door wider and gestured for him to come in. He took his shoes off in the hall, hooking his coat on the wall beside the door, before he walked into the living room and took a seat on the couch. You closed the door and followed him to the room, taking a seat in the armchair beside the couch.

“Let’s talk then,” you said, waiting for him to speak up. You had so much to say before, but now that you sat in front of him, nothing seemed to make sense, all your thoughts swirled around incoherently.

Ben cleared his throat, trying to collect his thoughts. “I’m sorry about running away and I’m sorry about not listening to you. I know I should have handled it better, but for some reason the only thing stuck in my mind was how you were ready to give up immediately. I know that’s not what you said, but those words were the only thing registering in my mind and I can’t tell you how awful I feel,” he sighed, guilt painted across his face. It broke your heart to see him so upset.

“Look, Ben, I’m sorry too. I know I shouldn’t have even started the argument the way I did, but I have been feeling like I didn’t even matter and each time I tried to talk to you about it, I felt like you didn’t listen. I felt so frustrated,” you explained as you stood up from the armchair and took a seat beside him on the couch.

“I never meant to make you feel like that. Every single time I came home, the only thing that mattered was to finally wrap my arms around you and I can’t describe how happy it made me to see you standing at the airport each time I came back. I think I just took you for granted and now that I spent time without you in complete uncertainty, I felt like I was suffocating. It was killing me,” his voice was weak, his tone desperate. You wanted nothing but to pull him against you, hugging him, kissing him. His words made you incredibly happy, but you weren’t sure if they were just empty words or if he meant them.

“I want nothing else but to believe you. However, it’s hard when I know it wasn’t the first time and I have tried to sort it out not once before. I know I didn’t handle the situation well, but I didn’t expect you to just walk out on me like that,” you replied, trying to think realistically.

“I know and in no way, I want to rush you. If you want, we can go to a couple's therapy and find a way to solve this, to work on us, but I want to come home to you. I feel whole only when I’m around you and I don’t want to give up on us. Not now, not ever,” he pleaded taking your hand in his, squeezing it reassuringly. Your heart wanted to jump out of its place, beating dangerously in your chest, excitement bubbling up inside you. Without a second thought you cupped Ben’s face and pulled him against you, kissing him feverishly.

You have missed his scent, his subtle stubble, his strong arms around you, his mere presence beside you. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you deepened the kiss, your mind completely engulfed in a sea of pink clouds, feeling like the happiest person to walk the earth.

“Can I take that as a yes for a second chance?” he asked, still in daze, his arms holding onto you for dear life.

“I want nothing more than to try again, but we have to make an effort and work together,” you whispered against his lips.

“I will do anything in my power to make you the happiest person alive,” he smiled happily. “I love you so much,” he breathed as he pulled you against his lips once again, missing your touch already.

“I love you, Ben,” you interrupted the kiss for a mere second, before you let yourself indulge in his arms once again.


End file.
